I love goals. I set them every year, and revisit them and set new ones throughout the year.

I also hate goals. I follow the advice of goal setting experts and set big goals, and put them in writing, and visualize them, but it seems that many of the goals never seem to hit.

This often leads to the slightly depressed feeling of realizing that I didn't hit my goal, coupled with the acceptance that my life is not where I wanted it to be.

The real problem occurs though, in the fact that my mood, energy, and sense of self-esteem end up tied into whether I achieved those goals. You've probably been there: You just did a great sales presentation and you're waiting to here back from the client. If the client comes back with a "yes," you feel happy and great. If you get a "no," you feel down and sad. Or perhaps you're trying to lose weight, and you eat well and exercise, but when you step on the scale the number hasn't changed - that's a quick route to depression. Once in while the reverse happens: you eat poorly, skip a couple of workouts, but the scale still shows a drop. Here you may feel good even though you know you messed the week up.

Having goals is great, but judging our success and feelings on the achievement of those goals is a dangerous game, because we place our sense of self-esteem on external factors.

The next time you set goals (New Years or otherwise) make sure to set two types of goals: result goals and activity goals.

Result Goals - These are the things we want to get or achieve. "I want to make $100,000 this year." "I want to lose 25 pounds." "I will own a new home." And so on.

Activity Goals - These are the daily tasks we set for ourselves to achieve our result goals. "I will make 10 sales calls a day." "I will exercise 3 days a week for 45 minutes a day." "I will set aside X dollars per month to build up my down payment."

Both of these types of goals are important. But there is a critical difference. You have almost absolute control over your activity goals. Your result goals almost always rely on things outside of your control. In the sales example, you might not be able to control how many sales you close (buyers are fickle, after all), but you can control how many calls you make per day.

The key then to achieving your goals and being happier doing it is quite simple:

"You must measure your success by your Activity Goals, not by your Result Goals"

You should set result goals. They should be written, and vivid, and specific, etc. You should take time to visualize them everyday. But, when deciding whether you are a success, you should simply look at whether you hit your activity goals.

The two are related. You set your result goals first, then you determine the consistent actions you must take to achieve those goals. These consistent actions become your activity goals. When you plot out your day, or week, or month, determine what activities you will do and when you will do them. Then, at the end of the day, week, or month, let your sense of success and self-esteem be guided by one questions: "Did I do what I said I would in my activity goals?" If the answer is yes, regardless of what you achieved, then you should sleep easy. If you said no, then you need to revisit and adjust.

I can hear the dissent now, "but if I ignore my result goals, how can I be sure I get what I want?" Make no mistake; I never said to avoid result goals. If time goes by and you are not getting the result you want, than you need to adjust your activities to increase the likliehood of getting what you want. The difference is, you judge your success on what you do, not on what you get. Results are your feedback - if you get what you want, keep doing what you are doing. If not, try something different.

Measuring success based on your activities has three powerful benefits:

Internal vs. External Self-Esteem - This whole idea began when I realized how ludicrous it was for a person to let their self-esteem and mood be based on events they have no control over. Why be depressed because some client doesn't have the budget for your service or product? Why get down because the guy or girl you were interested in didn't call you? Why sulk just because your body didn't drop two pounds this week? There are so many variables outside of your control taht all you can do is do your best.

When you base your success on what you do, you can always feel good. Whether or not you close a sale, you can sleep well knowing you put in your 100 calls for the week. Even if the scale didn't drop, you are happy knowing that you are doing the right thing in eating right and exercising. Don't worry if one guy or girl doesn't call you - be content in knowing that you are out there and doing what you need to to find the right person.

Of course, this only works if you actually do the activities you're supposed to. If you don't, then you might feel down - but at least you know that you deserve to feel down and you'll know what you need to do to fix it!

Foward Moving Action - By judging yourself on your activities, you will force yourself to take action. Sometimes, when you focus just on the result, you procrastinate or feel overwhelmed. If you focus on the individual activity you committed to doing (and judge your success just on whether you do it) you will be much more likely to take that action. This will have the effect of constantly moving you towards your goals.

Ironically, the more you focus on your activity goals instead of your results goals, the more likely you will be to actually attain the result you want.

Law of Detachment - There is a principle in spirituality, improvisation, martial arts, sports, and many other areas called the Law of Detachment. It goes by different names in different arenas. It is the Law of Detachment in spirittuality. In improv it is "let go of control and go with the flow." In martial arts, it's the "resolute acceptance of death;" in sports, it's "playing loose."

Whatever the arena, the principle states that the more attached we are to an outcome, the more unlikely we are to actually get it. This is because the attachment creates resistance. We send out the wrong kind of energy (spirituality), resist the positive things going on around us (improv), get overwhelmed and paralyzed by fear (martial arts), and just plain tighten up (sports). By letting go of attachment to what you want, you free up resources and energy that makes it much more likely for you to get it.

Focusing on your result goals creates attachment. Focusing on your activity goals detaches you from your outcome; you go about the business of doing your activities, confidently knowing that they will result in something good. This is a terrific way to not only happily achieve your goals, but also to just reduce stress in general.

Try this method the next time you do your goal setting. Make your result goals - make them big, make them great, and write them down. Then determine the activities you consistently need to do (and are willing to do) to achieve those goals. Then, even if just for 30 days, commit to ending each day judging yourself as a success or not based simply on whether you followed through or not. Do this, and your self-esteem will soar, you will be happier, and yes, you will be on your way to achieving your goals.